This past Sunday, February 4th, we were getting ready to go to a Super Bowl party when my husband received a phone call. As my husband talked on the phone I instantly knew something was wrong as his voice started to trail off with a lot of yeah….yeah…uh huh. His face looked white as a sheet as he looked at me and then told me to grab my phone. I sprinted to my phone and found my mom had called several times and left a text, “your grandfather is in the hospital.” My heart sank and I immediately started throwing my belongings in my bag as best as I could. I could barely see due to a flood of tears welling up in my eyes. We were trying to decide if my husband should go or not and I thought well I’ll just call my Uncle since he is at the hospital and see how bad it is. The phone rang and he instantly picked up. “How bad is it Uncle Mark,” I asked….he paused for a moment and then said “It’s happened…your grandpa passed 5 minutes ago.” In that moment my entire world collapsed around me as I fell to the floor. I still don’t think I have come out of this moment.
We quickly threw our bags together and I pulled some old pictures I have off the shelves and walls and we were out the door. As we were loading the car up I handed my son his grandpa’s USS McCoy hat and his grandpa’s senior portrait. He didn’t understand fully what was going on, but he knew mama was very upset.
Once we arrived in Indiana I ran up to my grandparent’s door and my Grandma and mom were there to greet me. We embraced and we cried. My son, who is named after my Grandfather McCoy asked “where’s papa” upon entering the house. He kept talking about papa’s tractor (actually a lawn mower), so I let him sit on top of it for a bit.
Last week truly was a blur. I was sad, angry and felt very lost all at the same time. I am still feeling this way. We all had to pull ourselves together as best as we could, so that we could send him off in the best way possible. I love my family so much and I am so thankful we all were able to successfully pull this off during such a hard moment in all of our lives.
I don’t think I slept at all last week. I couldn’t get him out of my mind and trying to imagine a world without my grandpa. I’m just going to end with the eulogy I wrote for him, because it honestly is the best way I can sum up my feelings and the person that he was.
Grandpa’s chair…if you have seen it, you know it’s been loved. You’ll see where a mold of his body has been forged over time, like a fossilized cast in a rock. Since I have known him, 31 years to be exact, he has owned only two chairs. One of which met its demise in the fire of 2012 and the second one still sits in my grandma’s living room. Our lives revolved around that chair whether we were coming or going, but we always return to that same room and that same chair that grandpa sat so cozily upon, where he cuddled each of us, held our baby fingers, kissed our tiny toes, and lulled us to sleep.
As a child I snuggled up next to my grandpa in his chair as we shared a box of raisins and watched bugs bunny cartoons. As I got a little older I’d play on the floor at the foot of his chair. You could also tell quite easily if you were doing something you weren’t supposed to, because there was a distinct way he would flip the footrest down making everyone aware that whatever you were up to needed to stop. As a preteen I remember visiting in the summers and sitting in that chair watching VH1s pop up video. It was about the only time my bottom got a chance to relish in the comforts of Grandpa’s chair. When my Great-Grandmother passed, my Great-Grandfather moved in and for a while my grandpa cared for him. My grandpa sat with his father in that room together enjoying the last couple of years they had left, before my Great-Grandfather passed. We have spent many holiday’s circled around his chair, catching up, watching Mr. Bean, Claymation Christmas and his favorite, Sponge Bob.

My sweet mom taking a nap on her dad’s side of the bed. Soaking up every last bit of him that we have left.




When I got engaged I wanted to get married in the desert and be surrounded by red rock. Somehow we convinced him to fly to Sedona, AZ for my wedding. He begrudgingly went and when I needed somebody to walk me down the aisle he stepped in. I remember him delicately holding onto the crook of my elbow as we descended down the red rock stairs to my ceremony so vividly. He reminded me to take it slow, to remember to give Ashley (my bridesmaid) my bouquet and that he loved me before handing me over. This in itself told me he liked the man I had chosen to marry, because he didn’t tell me it would be ok if I wanted to turn around! After the birth of my son McCoy he ventured up to Chicago not only once, but twice. I never thought he would make that trip, but he did.




My Grandpa, salutatorian of his graduating class, speaking at his high school graduation.
Even though a good portion of his life was spent in his easy chair, it’s sometimes hard for me to believe he was as amazing as he was. How could somebody be so cultured, open minded, insightful and down to earth without ever having the desire to step outside of the box on occasion? The only thing I can think of is that it was the fact he was born with a beautiful mind. He was always wanting to learn, understand and evolve. Something I wish more people would seek out. He wasn’t just intelligent, he was brilliant. This is probably one of the biggest things I am going to miss, our midnight conversations. My Grandpa may have rarely left his chair, but he was always there for us. It’s hard for me to imagine a world without my grandpa in it. That chair will always be empty and the thought of that is crushing. I don’t think I have ever felt a loss this great before. He was my grandfather, a father, a protector, a mentor and a huge comfort in my life. He was my rock, he was home…just like his chair was his safe place that brought him contentment, relaxation and comfort, he was all of those things to me. I am not sure how life will be without him. The unknown is a scary thing. The past few nights I have been in my grandparent’s home I saw him so vividly standing on the porch as I looked out the window, walking in through the front door, walking the halls and even getting in the cupboard for late night snacks.





I love you Grandpa.